Entries for June, 2006
June 2nd, 2006
Miracles Don't Have Price Tags Posted in <p><strong><em><em><strong>You see, when weaving a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the weaving of that blanket to let the soul out. -Martha Graham </strong></em></em></strong></p> <p>We found out that my Dad had cancer five years ago. It's something I learned to live with, accept, and build my life around. I changed careers to pull my own weight financially and have weekends free to at least visit Daddy and my kid brother. It was a reality I thought I have come to terms with. </p> <p>But I was wrong. A month ago, his oncologist detected two nodules in the upper portion of his right lung. After extensive tests, they were concluded to be malignant and surgery was immediately scheduled. </p> <p>I was in shock, in denial and scared ice-cold. I could not entertain the possibility of losing my Dad...and so the long painful days stretched on with me praying and begging for yet another lease on my Dad's life. </p> <p>Everyday, I acted like I was hitting my head with a mallet. I worked like crazy, barely slept and kept thinking and worrying until I could almost hear myself ticking away like a time bomb. </p> <p>But I'm okay now. We're all okay now. </p> <p>On the day of Dad's surgery, doctors found the nodules to be benign. They closed him up and were left wondering how their cutting-edge PET Scan could have made such an erroneous diagnosis.</p> <p> I've always believed that science ends where faith begins...and once again faith has seen me through. </p> <p>This is me letting out a very audible sigh of relief...and thanking the Big Guy Upstairs with happy tears<em><strong>.</strong></em> </p> Angel's LSS: Wrong Impression from Arlohn's PC 24/7 Reading List: My resume. Yes, I have a job offer! Differential Diagnosis: sore in tender places 8 Lived to Tell
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Back in the Blog Bubble Posted in Love and other Disasters <p>I forgot how long it has been since I have sat down in front of the PC and just blogged my brains out. I used to be such a faithful blogger. But hey, if you get a living, breathing, walking, kissing and hugging human equivalent for a blog, you wouldn't complain right?</p> <p>Well that's where I was the last six months--lost in yet another toad-kissing experiment that of course, ended in a major case of warts. My girlfriends were impressed though, because I at least managed to get myself spoiled rotten this time around. There were a lot of good times, and funny moments and things too happy to list in detail. *toes curled and giggling*</p> <p>But hey. Too much of a good thing still gives you an upset stomach.So here I am, blogging on a Friday night. Returning to the stable and ever comforting blog bubble I've always surrounded myself with before the toad came hippity-hopping in my world and everything else in my life came crashing down.</p> <p>That was Amielle on my mobile, checking on how I am. I haven't seen her since February. I swear! That was like years ago if I were to backtrack on everything that had happened. All the sappy and crappy, the inspiring and depressing.Oh well. Tha's all water under the bridge now. What matters is I'm back. I'm here...and I'm in a place where my foothold is secure.</p> <p> I've recently signed up for Fitness First Southmall and am looking forward to Jam, Latin and Balance classes (and I can crash in the Alabang club too, yey!) *smiles* </p> <p>At the end the day, I realized that not making the right choices all the time does have it advantages. Falling flat on your face and suffering that ever wounded ego, you can't sink any lower, and you have no other choice but to pull yourself together and rise.</p> <p>Stephie in her blog bubble...balance has been restored to the force.</p> | |
June 6th, 2006
I'm Addicted to Love Posted in Angel 24/7
Best friend Vicky is getting married. Yey! She broke the news to me a few hours ago and I couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. Congratulations dearie and Best Wishes! *hugs*hugs* I'm so happy for her...add to the fact that I am already feeling all warm and gooey inside for a lot of reasons. Since Saturday I've been feeling really happy and content. Recent turn of events had me seeing rainbows instead of storm clouds. And I'm glad, so very glad that I held on to my faith and stood by the people and principles I believed in because at the end of the day, personal convictions do make a difference and tells you what kind of person you have become.
And if you must know, not one friend disappeared in my time of need. In fact, even those who have been silent or missing for many years, resurfaced and started communicating just to reassure me that they're still here for me. Really, how blessed can a girl get?!
Last May 31, I've had the privilege of teaching around 20 kids from different provinces. Nothing fancy, just basic news and features writing. I had to take the day off and prepare modules and such, but I felt good afterwards. I would have done it for free, but thankfully it came with an honorarium (thank you very much!) and I left fulfilled and happy to have passed on the writing torch to the next generation of writers and reporters. Hmm. Somehow that last statement made me feel slightly old.
Over the summer I learned a lot more than I have the rest of my life. I let myself fall and revel in the feeling because as Anthony Hopkin's told his daughter in the movie Meet Joe Black: if you haven't loved you haven't lived. I chose not to run and hide this time; to fall from a really high place without fear that no one would be there to catch me. I embraced love without wanting to possess or claim the other person as my own--no ties, no strings that bind. More importantly, I chose to run risks and crossed danger lines with wide open eyes. And I have no regrets luv. Why? Because the view from the other side is just spectacular. 24/7 Reading List: Japan Jumbo August Draw Details Silverscreen Pick: Myself Spacing Out Differential Diagnosis: *hugs*hugs*hugs* | |
Might as well face it, I'm addicted to love.
spaced out mode
Daddy's still recuperating from his recent operation, but thank God, he's cleared of cancer. (Incidentally, it's his 55th birthday tomorrow, please say a prayer for him.) I could never have gone through the ordeal without the prayers and support of my SLG family and my friends and PP community. 
so, what about it? )June 7th, 2006
Still Kissing Toads Posted in Love and other Disasters "Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away."--Meredith Grey The moon was far from being full, and far too bright to be blue last night. But it's one of those rare times that the toad actually turned into a charming prince (albeit with a 12-midnight curfew) and left me thinking that this feels dangerously a lot like love. Now I know that one of these days, the tide's going to turn in the opposite direction--that i would want to run away and move on or move forward and get as far away from him as humanly possible. But let me savor and dwell on this feeling. I am happy where I am right now...and I'm content with just warm hugs. | |
June 8th, 2006
I Believe In You Posted in My OST il Divo With Celine Dion Lonely the path you have chosen Follow your heart ~~hmm, maybe in the next lifetime. | |
June 9th, 2006
Some Endings Are Just ... Posted in Angel 24/7   Last night was the send off party/tribute we gave Sister Mona Ocampo, our coordinator at Spirit of the Living God, the Catholic Charismatic Community I've been a part of these last three years. She will be migrating to Arizona to be with her family after 17 fruitful years of service in the renewal ministry. Judging by everyone's sobbing and tearful goodbyes, she will be dearly missed, by me especially. Not only was she an admirable leader and worker, she was also my spiritual mother. She was my cell group facilitator and formator, and yes, she was there for me during one of the darkest moments of my life.Through her, I saw the light. And until today, I am trying to walk towards that light.(although of course, I often stray and start walking off track! Pasaway eh!) I am very happy and optimistic that another colorful chapter in her life will soon unfold. It's just that not seeing her most nights of the week would be difficult for me to deal with. That's me, I grow attached to things and people and routine. I like stability in certain areas of my life, and the people I've grown to love is one such aspect I do not relish having the rug pulled under my feet from. Vaya con Dios Sister Mona. I know God will make you bloom wherever you are planted for you are truly HIS hand's work. I love you 'nay! Okay, I know. The perpetual lesson the universe has been hammering on me is "let go". And before noon today I knew it was time for yet another. One of my missions as Angel24/7 was accomplished. I received a message at 11:44 am from a dear friend that our prayer petition has been granted. Don't ask me how I knew that from now on he and I would rarely be seeing each other or communicating. Just as I knew that his petition would be answered just as he was nearing the end of his rope, I know too that it would be nearly impossible to meet up for a cup of coffee or an hour-long chat with these developments in his life. Like any good friend, I am genuinely happy for him and no, I would never complain if he becomes too busy now to say hello. That's just the way things work. Still, it would take some getting used to. He did spoil me with too much attention when he had a lot of time in his hands. In my heart of hearts I will miss that. Differential Diagnosis: *waxing sentimental* | |
June 10th, 2006
from Jupiter's Blog... Posted in Angel 24/7 St. Therese of Liseux's Way of Love and Confidence: | |
June 12th, 2006
Nuninuninuninu Posted in Angel 24/7 *Yawns* What's a girl to do on an extended weekend? I should probably sign up for rehab already: workaholics unlimited. Yup. I just couldn't stay away. I even brought work home and typed away at my trusty old PC almost half the time. But I did enjoy myself. Got this new writing assignment and finished up some backlog I know I will never be able to attend to at the office. So there. I'm all set for the Adobe Photoshop workshop on Wednesday. Let's call it my declaration of independence. Hehe. I lobbied for him renting a condo with three other classmates near campus starting this term. He'll be home only on weekends. So yes, I have my apartment to myself again. Peace and quiet. Too quiet....almost dead. That's part of the reason why I decided to take in more work again. I don't want to spend weeknights twiddling my thumbs after coming home. I figure the editing and the extra writing jobs would help kill time since gym doesn't start till the first week of July. And yeah, good old SMS will not be as frequent as it used to be the whole summer. *insert audible sighs here* Hey Pepperela, mind if I start working on Spinsterville Mansions without ya? I have time sis. Waay too much time. And yes, this writer is for hire. Hit me with any projects you have and I'll bite. | |
I was able to sleep too and watch DVDs with my brother, who by the way, is moving out tomorrow. June 15th, 2006
Move over Charlene... Posted in Angel 24/7  Photo above is of my niece Maxene and her mom Carol. She's an Enervon baby and has star potential, methinks. Hehe! Isn't she adorable?! | |
June 16th, 2006
Confessions of a Schizophrenic Cyber Stalker Posted in Love and other Disasters Bless me blogger for I have sinned... For lack of any other cerebral activity late this afternoon, I resorted to cyber stalking. Yes, me, the angel without a jealous bone in her body, stopped down (and actually went beneath myself) to the level of love-crazed psychopaths. I tracked her down. Found photos. Read more journal entries. And I sat in the friggin cold, three hours after my shift, fuming. No, I don't hate her. (How could you, she was there first!) I just hate myself for wanting to know what she's like (and what she has over you, right?) and listening to my inner shrink lecturing me as I make this entry. I know I have no right to invade her personal cosmic space. And I was trying my best not to. But didn't curiosity kill the cat? (meowing...too bad you don't have nine lives) I have no one but myself to blame for the constricting of my stomach--it's so badly knotted at this moment, I can actually taste regurgitated bile. Ugh! It also feels like a clenched fist is using my heart as a stress ball (then throwing it to the wall as in a game of squash). I then took an online quiz that said "envy" ranks as my favorite sin. The percentages of six other capital sins were negligible, and I only have 26-29 percent of burning in hell (yes, except the quiz did not ask the civil status of the guy you normally go out with!). The clincher is that I would probably die under the hands of a jealous lover. Irony: I am the jealous lover! Me?! Cyber-stalking-several-screws-loose-and-sleep-deprived me! (And the poor girl hasn't the foggiest idea who you are!) I need to have my head examined. Better yet, get me an exorcist. Seriously! Differential Diagnosis: *PSYCHO* | |
June 20th, 2006
Love in a Time of *cough*cough* Posted in Love and other Disasters I picked this up from a forwarded email this morning. One of the hardest choices we have to make in life is deciding which bridges to cross and which ones to burn. That, and empathizing with America Vicuna, a minor character in Love in a Time of Cholera, pretty much sums up my current state of mind. You see, there's a reason why I became a workaholic. It's precisely to avoid having too much time in my hands because my thoughts tend to stray and I revert to the pathetic, sad and depressed person I so do not want to be. As for America Vicuna, she may have played a cameo in Gabriel Garcia Marquez's novel, but she's the persona I can wholeheartedly relate to.I feel for the girl. I really do. If only for the fact that she chose to love this man and accepted whatever little he gave her and reciprocated by pouring out everything she had.The girl loved Florentino Ariza blindly and when he reverted to chasing the love of his life, he left America under the care of servants. He no longer spent the weekends with her, became cold and oblivious of her very existence, until he got sick and the young girl (yes, he's this sick old s-o-b!) still took care of him. America killed herself in the story by drinking poison. Florentino had his secretary wire her parents that it was because she could not accept that she failed her final exams in school. But if you ask me, she was long dead. Her heart must have stopped beating the day she found Florentino's letters to Fermina Daza. She was with him for three years, but he loved Fermina his whole life. No contest, girl. You don't compete for space in someone's heart. It's either you're there or you're not. The moral of the story? Do not burn your own bridges to forget. If anything, use passion as emotional coal. The brighter it burns, the more fuel you have to move on. And It doesn't matter how long it takes, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Someday, everything will just be a memory. Differential Diagnosis: *Sniffling* | |
June 23rd, 2006
Burned (out)... Posted in Love and other Disasters "I am entitled to a little uncertainty here. Just a moment to understand the magnitude of what it means to cut somebody out of my life. I am entitled to at least one moment of painful doubt. A little understanding from you would be nice."--Derek Shepherd to Meredith in Grey's Anatomy Angel's LSS: Both Sides Now24/7 Reading List: The Gnostic Gospel of Thomas Silverscreen Pick: City of Angels Differential Diagnosis: *sleep sounds so good* | |
