"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning?"

I'm tired of emotional rollercoaster rides. Sick of swimming in tears.  Neck rigid from looking the other way for so long. But just when you thought I'm never going to bolt, I've got this to say: I'm throwing both hands up in the air. The white flag up, I've thrown the towel in. I'm calling it quits, unkissing the deal, breaching the contract. Whatever you want to call it. 

Stay

By Bellefire

I don't have to tell you what it's like
Days with out you by my side
They run together
Like stormy weather
In the Summertime

And I don't have to tell you how it feels
To wake up in the night without you here

So wrap your arms around me
Show you how you miss me
Say you know how I feel

Stay a little longer
Move a little closer
Stay until you forget to leave
Don't think my heart could take it
Every time you go and break it
The thought of losing you means losing me
When goodbye is too hard to say...
Stay

You don't have to look into my eyes
To know how I feel tonight
Smiling on the outside
Dying on the inside
To keep you here

You don't have to say another word
You should know your thoughts can be heard
Yeah, every time you kiss me

I know you really want me
To help you change your mind

Stay a little longer
Move a little closer
Stay until you forget to leave
Don't think my heart could take it
Every time you go and break it
The thought of losing you means losing me
When goodbye is too hard to say...
Stay

Oh...
Stay [3x]

Because there are days when I can't be sunshine personified. http://360.yahoo.com/idancewithabandon

A ninety-one-year-old woman died after living a long, dignified life. When she met God, she asked Him about something that had long bothered her: "If Man was created in God's image, and if all men are created equal, why do people treat each other so badly?"

God replied that each person who enters our life has a unique lesson to teach us. And it is only through these lessons that we learn about life, people, relationships, and God.

This confused the woman, so God began to explain:

"When someone lies to you, it teaches you that things are not always as they seem. The truth is often far beneath the surface. Look beyond the masks people wear if you want to know their heart. And remove your own masks to let people know yours."

"When someone steals from you, it teaches you that nothing is forever. Always appreciate what you have, for you never know when you might lose it. And never, ever, take your friends and family for granted because today is the only guarantee you have."

"When someone inflicts an injury upon you, it teaches you that the human state is a fragile one.Protect and take care of your body as best you can; it's the only thing you are sure to have forever."

"When someone mocks you, it teaches you that no two people are alike. When you encounter people who are different from you, don't judge them by how they look or act; instead, base your opinion on the contents of their hearts."

"When someone breaks your heart, it teaches you that loving someone does not always mean that person will love you back. But don't turn your back on love because when you find the right person, the joy that that one person brings will make up for all the past hurts put together. Times ten."

"When someone holds a grudge against you, it teaches you that everyone makes mistakes.When you are wronged, the most virtuous thing you can do is forgive the offender without pretense. Forgiving those who have hurt us is the most difficult, the most courageous, and the most noble thing Man can do.

"When a loved one is unfaithful to you, it teaches you that resisting temptation is Man's greatest challenge. Be vigilant in your resistance against all temptation. By doing so, you will be rewarded with an enduring sense of satisfaction far greater than the temporary pleasure by which you were tempted.

"When someone cheats you, it teaches you that greed is the root of all evil. Aspire to make your dreams come true, no matter how lofty they may be.Do not feel guilty about your success, but never let an obsession with achieving your goals lead you to engage in malevolent activities.

"When someone ridicules you, it teaches you that nobody is perfect. Accept people for their merits and be tolerant of their flaws. Do not ever reject someone for imperfections over which they have no control."

Upon hearing the Lord's wisdom, the old woman became concerned that there were no lessons to be learned from Man's good deeds. God replied that Man's capacity to love is the greatest gift he has. At the root of all kindness is love, and each act of love also teaches us a lesson.

The woman's curiosity deepening, God once again began to explain:

"When someone loves us, it teaches us that love, kindness, charity, honesty, humility, forgiveness, and acceptance can counteract all the evil in the world. For every good deed, there is one less evil deed. Man alone has the power to control the balance between good and evil, but because the lessons of love are not taught often enough, the power is too often abused."

When you enter someone's life, whether by plan, chance, or coincidence, consider what your lesson will be. Will you teach love or a harsh lesson of reality? Will your life have resulted in more loving or hurting? More comfort or pain? More joy or sadness?

Each one of us has power over the balance of love in the world. Don't miss an opportunity to nudge the scales in the right direction.

- Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

We may not know what tomorrow holds, but we do know who holds tomorrow.  Trust the Lord with your life and know that He is with you always.

By Ronnie Leviner

Standing now, looking at Alicia as she lay silent, my mind wandered back to things she had said and all that led up to this day. It was not long ago when my parents had came into my room to explain to me that Alicia had  cancer and would be going for chemo treatments.

I think it took about three or four days for the reality of them saying the doctors did not give much hope for her surviving. I remember trying to find a place in the house that afternoon it hit, where no one would hear me  crying. All kinds of emotions seemed to bounce around inside of me. Anger at someone; anybody; but who? Why? How could this happen to her? Six years old and dying of cancer.

I guess I finally decided that I would be strong and give her strength. I think we struggled with her pain more than she did. She even made jokes  about how she would keep the scarf companies in business for awhile.

It was always puzzling when we tried to talk about her pain; or, mother  would ask, what seemed like every time she made a funny noise; "does it  hurt". She would smile and say, "Jesus feels good." Even at night in the  room we shared when she was restless; no matter what I said her reply was; "Jesus feels good."

The doctors had shared with us the kind of pain she would be going through, but; she never complained. "How are you today", we'd get a smile and a  Jesus feels good. And now standing here with all my pain and hurt, it felt as if someone put their arms around me, placed their hands upon my heart, and whispered  softly, "she's fine." Where did this peace come from? For the first time I knew what she meant when she said, "Jesus feels good."

~Reading this early this morning kind of set my perspective straight. The pain I'm feeling now is negligible compared to the kind of pain others around me are suffering. True, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but he will also hold you while you sit or lie there crying and bleeding over your loss.

I have been feeling HIS arms around me a lot more over the last few days, and I guess I do owe HIM that acknowledgment... Jesus does feel so good when you're breaking all over. Wala lang, just wanted to share. ~

Chloe Sullivan's letter to Clark Kent:

"I want to let you in on a secret, I'm not who you think I am, in fact, my disguise is so thin, I'm surprised you haven't seen right through me. I'm the girl of your dreams masquerading as your best friend. Sometimes I want to rip off this facade like I did at the spring formal, but I can't because you'll get scared and run away again. So I decided it's better to live with a lie than expose my true feelings... my dad told me there are two types of girls: the ones you grow out of, and the ones you grow into. I really hope I'm the latter. I may not be the one you love today, but I'll let you go for now, hoping that one day you'll fly back to me because I think you're worth the wait."

I was able to review the episode where these lines were featured. Clark Kent was delirious with fever and Chloe comes over to read her confessional letter. Soon after she does that, Clark calls out Lana's name...and Chloe just falls apart. I don't blame her, I probably would have too...

Yeah, not exactly the most cheerful of Smallville episodes to watch.

Through the eyes of the other woman...A reminder that even the best fall down sometimes. Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.~stephie~

by Becky Gain

Looking back, I realize there were many reasons I had an affair with Jack. But what lured me in was how he made me feel—with cards on my desk, flowers on my windshield, and calls just to say "hi." Finally, I was a priority in someone's life. I felt special and loved.

I met Jack when we both worked in the service department of a car dealership. Although I joked with all the guys, I noticed Jack paid more attention to me than the others. He made a point of showering me with compliments and making me laugh. Jack was fun, compassionate, and caring. He also was married.

When I started working late several nights a week, one night Jack worked late, too. Since we were the only two there, we ended up chatting late into the night. This quickly became the norm. When I was around him, I had fun, I laughed, I was happy. I could feel my attraction for him growing, but ignored it. I reasoned that not only was he married, he was also 11 years older than I. He couldn't possibly be interested in a 19-year-old girl.

But my naiveté shattered one night when we were talking in my office. I was perched casually on the edge of my desk, and he was in a chair across the room. After a brief pause in our conversation, he said quietly, "Come here." By the look in his eyes, I knew what could happen. In a fraction of a second, my mind raced through all my options. I could make the right decision—or the wrong one. I moved to him, and we began to kiss.

I'm sure part of my susceptibility to the affair stemmed from the fact my parents divorced when I was five. Although I wasn't aware of it for many years, their divorce destroyed my security. My daddy was everything to me. Not having him as a constant in my life left me feeling alone and unloved.

When I was 14, I met a young man and suddenly discovered a man's attention made me feel good. For the next seven years I jumped from one physical relationship to another, trying to maintain that feeling. I became adept at hiding this side of my life. My parents had no idea I regularly traded sex for a few minutes of "love."

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Don't Forget About Us
Mariah Carey


(Don't forget about us)
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
My baby boy...

Just let it die
With no goodbyes
Details don't matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
You know sometimes
It'd be like that baby

Now everytime I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best
And don't forget about

[Chorus]
Late nights, playin' in the dark
And wakin' up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don't forget about us

I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us


Oh they say
That you're in a new relationship
But we both know
Nothing comes close to
What we had, it perseveres
That we both can't forget it
How good we used to get it

 
There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So baby we just can't let
The fire pass us by
Forever we'd both regret
So don't forget about

[Chorus]

And if she's got your head all messed up now
That's the trickery
So why you act like you don't know how this lovin' used to be?
I bet she can't do like me
She'll never be MC

Baby don't you, don't you forget about us

[Chorus x2]

Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go

When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us.

"You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be – white dress, prince charming who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill–they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after – just that it’s happy right now..."

When little girls grow up...

Over the last few days I really had to ask myself this: At what point does a woman's dreams of an ever after fade and she starts settling for happy-for-the-moment?

My recent shared entries brought forth a barrage of emails and confessions from women who are, were once, or whose partners are in compromised relationships.  The stories are all heart-rending and sad. Some manage to move on and reclaim their lives, while there are others whose pain is so raw they  barely manage to make it through the night.

I'm here to listen and cry with you. I've learned not to talk or pass judgement in situations like this simply because reality is a lot stranger and more complicated than fiction. Situations cannot always be categorized into right versus wrong or drawn in black and white.

There are grey areas and there are blind spots.

There are certain things that happen in our lives for a reason; people we come across with a much higher purpose than just remaining within our reach for the rest of their lives. Yes, as sad and as painful as it sounds there are those destined to be "the one who got away"  and then there's that one person who will teach you the real meaning of letting go.

I know and I understand. Believe me, I do.

Sometimes you just have to ride the pain out until you're drained and exhausted. And no, you can't run away, because the more you do, you just end up spinning out of control and you land back where you started, a lot more hurt, a lot more bruised and with far less hope of getting your world back in orbit.

Right now I can't see what the future would be like. I just take it a day at a time. Counting the blessings and each reason to smile. Acknowledging the people in my life who at the moment make me feel special and loved. And if tomorrow we realize that the dream has expired, so be it.

Isn't life about making each day count? About making choices and standing to face the consequences of whatever action or decision you have made?

I'm proud of people who are brave enough to live their lives without regrets. Those who weep bitter tears today but vow to smile again someday. One day soon...when the final chapter of their stories has closed.

Thank you for the memories.

By Bob Perks

I finally found it. It was in a file drawer at the doctor's office. I thought I lost my mind, but when I stopped by to pick up my MRI's of my back, the nurse asked me if I needed my brain.

"So, that's where it is!" I said. "I've been looking for it for years now."

I'm scheduled to see a neurosurgeon in mid-August. Just a follow up to a  potential back problem my doctor discovered recently. Before I can see the surgeon I needed to pick up the MRI films. So last night I stopped by to  get them. I was told to come by in early evening and they would have them ready.

They didn't.

So I sat in the waiting room across from a beautiful elderly woman. She  had "Barbara Bush hair," soft, white and full. Her skin was supple and the lines around her eyes were evidence of difficult times. Perhaps a few from smiling. But tonight her face showed concern. I know when God is setting me up. He makes appointments for me to meet  people who need to talk. He knows I'm a good listener and when prompted I say what He wants me to say. I have in fact found myself arguing a bit with Him when He wants me to do or say something I'm not particularly  comfortable with. But He always wins you know.

"Hello!" I said.

"Good evening to you!" she replied.

"Are you waiting for someone?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm waiting for my husband to have an MRI done," she said. She never turned to look at me. She sat with her head down looking at her shoes and nervously wiggling her feet.

"Oh, I'm here to pick up some films of the one I had done. They tell me  they have my brain on file. I was looking for it all this time," I said  trying to get her to smile. She said nothing.

"You know it's not a difficult procedure. They even let you listen to  music," I told her.

"I know. I never had one. But my husband Bill has had a few through the  years. That's what I'm worried about," she said.

"Why are you worried?" I asked.

Then picking her head up slightly and looking at me with a side glance she said, "We've been so healthy until now. We've done so many wonderful things together. What would we do if we had to stop?"she asked.

"Remember!" I said.

"What?" she asked.

"It's one of the greatest gifts God has given us. The ability to remember the good times and learn from the bad. We have this massive computer and  built in Polaroid camera that stores all of those wonderful things for the times when all we can do is remember," I said.

"Mr. Perks?" the nurse said from the office window. "Your films are
ready."

I excused myself for a moment as I signed the necessary papers taking responsibility for them.

"I included your films of the brain in case the doctor needed them," she said.

"I need them more than he does. Now I have proof to show my wife I do indeed have one."

Then the grandest idea came to me.

"I don't know if you'll appreciate this or not," I said to the woman in the waiting room. "But I want to share my life with you."

She suddenly picked up her head as if to look at me like I was crazy.

I cleared the table that was in front of us and pulled out the films
that showed my brain.

"Look here, that is where I first told my wife that I loved her. And here, this is where the sweet smell of my Mom's bread pudding is stored. This off to the side is the Christmas I spent in New England. Wait, I think this very spot is when the doctor said 'It's a boy!' and my first son said 'Dada!'" I said holding the film toward the ceiling lights.

She sat there quietly not saying a word. I continued.

"Stored within this mass is everything I ever did, said, smelled, tasted and saw. There are hundreds of rainbows. Thousands of flowers, a million  laughs and yes, more tears than I can count. But when ever I need to, I  can recall it and for that moment experience it again. The magic of it all is that sometimes I don't even have to try. I get a whiff of pine tree and a dozen Christmases come rushing in. I can see my father's face and every one of my relatives both past and present," I said. "I'll also one day  remember meeting you!"

She sat up and turning toward me she said "Thank you! You are right. I really needed to hear that."

I said, "I know. That's why I was here."

Then the door opened wide and this sprite old gentleman came dancing out.

"Honey. Great news. I'm having twins!" he shouted. Everyone laughed, including his wife.

"Now let's go home and get packing," he said "Don't forget we're visiting the kids tomorrow. Remember?"

She shook her head and looked back at me and said, "Remember? How could I possibly forget?"

When problems come your way trying to discourage your heart, be encouraged to sit back and remember the blessed times of your life and know that if  God was with you then, than He is sure to be with you in this present time as well.  Rejoice in your memories and stand firm in your walk with the  Lord knowing that He will never leave you nor forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)

by Sheryl Crowe and Sting

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
Too afraid to hear the words i always fear
leaving you with only questions all these years

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wander, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wander, all alone, eternally
But this isn't how it's really meant to be
Oh it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side

Nothing like wallowing in vintage Neruda. 

Aqui Te Amo

No Hay Olvido

By Melanie Schurr

As a young child, upon my bedroom wall hung a poem stating, "The only way to have a friend is to be one." I'm certain I must have read that verse  dozens, if not hundreds of times while laying upon my bed, and yet, it's  simple but profound message continued to grow in my heart throughout my adult life.

Whether it's friendship, marriage, or another form of loving relations, all relationships entail a foundation built on the acts of giving and  receiving. As flowers soak up the rays of the sun, and droplets of dew, offering to man their fragrant and bright blooms, so too does every loving relationship require the loving gestures of both individuals.

For five years, Tom had his eye on Sandra, a peppy and pleasant young lady who worked in his office. In the past, when Tom's schedule wasn't as  demanding, Tom and Sandra shared lunches and spoke to each other often.  Tom promised Sandra many a time he would take her out on a "proper date," but as the weeks, then months began to fly by and Tom's schedule became  more hectic, Sandra gave up hope. In Sandra's mind, Tom was disinterested, so there was no sense in hoping for something that would never happen.

A  year later, Sandra announced to her fellow employees that she was engaged to be married! When Tom heard the news, he was so shocked he turned white and had to sit down. "How can she do that to me? She should be marrying  me, not him," whimpered Tom as a tear fell down his eye.

In that same office building, was employed a middle-aged woman named Helen, who was a divorced mother of a thirteen year old boy. As Helen sipped her  coffee at her desk, she reflected on the messy argument she and her son had just before work. This was not their first fight, but the result of years  of lack of communication and neglect. The truth of the matter was that  Helen's son never knew for certain if his mother loved him or not, and this caused much conflict in their relationship.

The wealthy, elderly owner of the above mentioned building, Mrs. Emily  Hawkins, was on her death bed in the hospital. The doctor notified her  immediate family and friends, knowing they would want to say their final  good-byes. All of Mrs. Hawkins children came, shedding heartfelt tears, but there were no friends to come because the wealthy Mrs. Hawkins never took  the time to nurture meaningful friendships.

Real Life Application:

What these three stories have in common is all their outcomes could have  come out very differently if only they would have watered their gardens  more carefully. Loving words unspoken, caring gestures never accomplished, time never given; all of these resulted in seeds of friendship and love  being choked by bitter weeds of neglect, selfishness, fear, and all things which destroy, rather than build up.

How does your own garden grow?

Is there a special one, two or three flowers you wish to see blossom, and yet it never seems to grow? Then ask yourself how well you are caring for that tender bud. Is it being watered with kindness and thoughtfulness? Is the warmth of love freely administered as does the sun offer it's rays of light? Are the leaves of the flower pruned and nurtured continually with  the gifts of time, energy, and self?

As I again ponder that verse which sat upon my wall for so many years of  my childhood, it is my hope that, for those people who I "say" I love, be they spouse, children, or friend, that I will do my best to let my love,  not be mere lip service, but to let the true heartfelt emotions which fill my heart, overflow and pour out, so that every blossom may be watered and never wither. In like manner, may the reality of God pour out into your  own lives, so that your hearts can fully comprehend what is the height,  breath, and width of His love.

The greatest gift that we can give of ourselves is the gift of love. We will be remembered far longer for the love that was shown towards others than any other single thing that exists.  Our acts of love can be shown in many ways such as making special time to be attentive to ones needs, giving a gift for no special reason, saying I love you and showing it to those who are nearest to our hearts and simply letting people know that we appreciate them and telling them how much they mean to us.  Love implied isn't the  same as love shown, so encourage yourself to make an extra effort to let your love be made known towards everyone whom you hold dear to your heart.

I hope you are encouraged and challenged by this message to make an extra effort each day to let the love that is within your heart be shown where  all will be impacted for the better.

Stephie says: I know I was.  Happy weekend one and all!