October 2, 2006
Posted in Angel 24/7

..for sharing another 365 days of laughter, tears, odd-ball and OC moments with me. Here's to another blessed and wonderful year!

With All My Love,

The Birthday Girl

Radio Blog Entry: You
Posted in My OST

Take Me to Atlantis
Posted in Angel 24/7

You Are a Mermaid

You are a total daydreamer, and people tend to think you're flakier than you actually are. While your head is often in the clouds, you'll always come back to earth to help someone in need. Beyond being a caring person, you are also very intelligent and rational. You understand the connections of the universe better than almost anyone else.

Say Hopscotch
Posted in Angel 24/7

Breathe No More by Evanescence
 
I've been looking in the mirror for so long.
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.
All the little pieces falling, shatter.
Shards of me,
Too sharp to put back together.
Too small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.
If I try to touch her,
And I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no more.
Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.
Lie to me,
Convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this,
Will make sense when I get better.
But I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection.
I just can't help but to wonder,
Which of us do you love.
So I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no...
Bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe,
I breathe-
I breathe no more.
 

Been toying with the idea of writing a poem similar  to this for the longest time. The imagery is there, but the words never seemed to fall in to place.  Haunting rendition by Evanescence, if I may add, Amy Lee has nailed that lost-gothika-metal-rock-whatever-sounding persona.

Aye, I'm a writer who rarely gets to write. Hehe.

In other news, I had fun exploring Google's new features.  I changed my browser to Firefox and my re-vamped my toolbars and loaded plug-ins. Effective of use work downtime, if you can consider it that--needed instant email notification and weather updates and currency conversions. Hah! OC girl's playground Google land is. 

 

So sue me for enjoying Gmail's built-in chat feature. Haven't been able to try actually placing calls but that I will do very soon after reviewing the ADSENSE and AD WORDS revisions. Have to do that in relation to updating the contents of all the websites I handle. Search engine optimization can be a real pain in the arse.

 

Hmm. For the record, I've eaten just about every kind or variety of pansit in the last few days. Haha. Birthday week, yes, that's what I call it, is tremendously fun and exciting with the different parties and celebrations I go to--but it has really been wrecking my taste buds. I think I can go without eating pansit until January!

 

We threw a surprise party for Manang Lilia, our former masseusse and now trusty all-around house manager in Teleforce this afternoon. One huge bilao of pansit canton plus triple something cake. I swear, I look like a sausage bursting out of its casings nowadays. I cannot breathe anymore. Dang! I need to go back to the gym....

 

Oh and just a reminder: I may be married to my job, dutiful daughter and doting sister, I may be neck-deep in trying to make a long-distance relationship work (if it doesn't, i could always say hopscotch!), hoping to resume my idancewithabandon days, and always ever-trying to be present in Church activities, but I am still your angel 24-7. So for drop in hello's, prayer requests, inspiring stories and the usual unloading of your day-end burdens, feel free to send me an email.

 

People, please note the EMAIL ME graphics at bottom of the page does work!

 

Angel's LSS: "The Open Door" Evanescence
24/7 Reading List: Your Free Lucky Numbers Report
Silverscreen Pick: Grey's Anatomy S3 Episode 2 (super kilig!)
Differential Diagnosis: Gluttonous

I don't do Mondays!
Posted in Love and other Disasters

Desafinado

by Sofia

Love is like a never-ending melody
Always have compared it to a symphony
A symphony conducted by the lighting of the moon
But our song of love is slightly out of tune

Once your kisses raised me to a fever pitch
Now the orchestration doesn't seem so rich
Seems to me you've changed the tune we used to sing
Like the bossa nova, love should swing

We used to harmonize, two souls in perfect time
Now the song is different and the words don't even rhyme
Cause you forgot the melody our hearts would always croon
So what's good's a heart that's slightly out of tune

Tune your heart to mine the way it used to be
Join with me in harmony and sing a song of loving
We've got to get in tune again before too long

There'll be no desafinado
When your heart belongs to me completely
Then you won't be slightly out of tune
You'll sing along with me

Playing bossa latino by Sofia early in the morning...particularly like her version of "Sorry Doesn't Make it Anymore", actually the story behind that is deserving of a separate entry...but you know, turning 28 does mellow one down. *sigh*

Needy and neurotic princess is hormonally imbalanced and in loose-screws mode since Friday. For one, I think my being obsessive-compulsive is rubbing people at work the wrong way. Okay, I understand. Not everyone thrives on the rush of deadlines and a mile-long list of things to do. And while that gives me such a high, I realize some people consider it a social injustice to render any more work than what they're receiving compensation for. Not budging one extra muscle or giving an additional iota of effort. I respect that. Only, it tells me that you're just here for the money and that the satisfaction of accomplishing a job in top form means nothing if it doesn't translate to financial gain for you.

That's sad. I'm not one to preach. It just makes me want to strive even harder and learn not to depend on other person's inputs to get the job going. Yeah, really sad. Oh well, not my first disappointment this work week.

I really think something is wrong with me...so i will as always, back down and apologize. I did that to the old toad, my brother, and even the frog. So I guess that puts me up the list of most loathed and vile.

Methinks I need my Ertroxyn!

Angel's LSS: Sorry Doesn't Make It Anymore
24/7 Reading List: Web Copy That Sells by Maria Veloso
Silverscreen Pick: If Only (tenchu Ate Me-Ann!)
Differential Diagnosis: Needy and Neurotic

The Caterpillar
Posted in Angel 24/7

Of Princesses and Fairy Tales
Posted in Love and other Disasters

"Not all princesses want to be rescued. Maybe Rapunzel locked herself  in the tower, and Sleeping Beauty wanted everyone to leave her alone. What if Snow White staged her murder, and Cinderella intentionally ran away?  Maybe the Little Mermaid was glad she turned into foam--that way, she wouldn't have to wait for that much hyped-up prince to pay her attention--which of  course, never happened.

What we really need is saving from the fairy tales we're living inside our heads." ~Stephie, October 9, 2006~

Deconstructing Fairytales
Posted in Love and other Disasters

Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty)

by Anne Sexton

Consider
a girl who keeps slipping off,
arms limp as old carrots,
into the hypnotist's trance,
into a spirit world
speaking with the gift of tongues.
She is stuck in the time machine,
suddenly two years old sucking her thumb,
as inward as a snail,
learning to talk again.
She's on a voyage.
She is swimming further and further back,
up like a salmon,
struggling into her mother's pocketbook.
Little doll child,
come here to Papa.
Sit on my knee.
I have kisses for the back of your neck.
A penny for your thoughts, Princess.
I will hunt them like an emerald.

Come be my snooky
and I will give you a root.
That kind of voyage,
rank as a honeysuckle.
Once
a king had a christening
for his daughter Briar Rose
and because he had only twelve gold plates
he asked only twelve fairies
to the grand event.
The thirteenth fairy,
her fingers as long and thing as straws,
her eyes burnt by cigarettes,
her uterus an empty teacup,
arrived with an evil gift.
She made this prophecy:
The princess shall prick herself
on a spinning wheel in her fifteenth year
and then fall down dead.
Kaputt!
The court fell silent.
The king looked like Munch's Scream
Fairies' prophecies,
in times like those,
held water.
However the twelfth fairy
had a certain kind of eraser
and thus she mitigated the curse
changing that death
into a hundred-year sleep.

The king ordered every spinning wheel
exterminated and exorcised.
Briar Rose grew to be a goddess
and each night the king
bit the hem of her gown
to keep her safe.
He fastened the moon up
with a safety pin
to give her perpetual light
He forced every male in the court
to scour his tongue with Bab-o
lest they poison the air she dwelt in.
Thus she dwelt in his odor.
Rank as honeysuckle.

On her fifteenth birthday
she pricked her finger
on a charred spinning wheel
and the clocks stopped.
Yes indeed. She went to sleep.
The king and queen went to sleep,
the courtiers, the flies on the wall.
The fire in the hearth grew still
and the roast meat stopped crackling.
The trees turned into metal
and the dog became china.
They all lay in a trance,
each a catatonic
stuck in a time machine.
Even the frogs were zombies.
Only a bunch of briar roses grew
forming a great wall of tacks
around the castle.
Many princes
tried to get through the brambles
for they had heard much of Briar Rose
but they had not scoured their tongues
so they were held by the thorns
and thus were crucified.
In due time
a hundred years passed
and a prince got through.
The briars parted as if for Moses
and the prince found the tableau intact.
He kissed Briar Rose
and she woke up crying:
Daddy! Daddy!
Presto! She's out of prison!
She married the prince
and all went well
except for the fear --
the fear of sleep.

Briar Rose
was an insomniac...
She could not nap
or lie in sleep
without the court chemist
mixing her some knock-out drops
and never in the prince's presence.
If if is to come, she said,
sleep must take me unawares
while I am laughing or dancing
so that I do not know that brutal place
where I lie down with cattle prods,
the hole in my cheek open.
Further, I must not dream
for when I do I see the table set
and a faltering crone at my place,
her eyes burnt by cigarettes
as she eats betrayal like a slice of meat.

I must not sleep
for while I'm asleep I'm ninety
and think I'm dying.
Death rattles in my throat
like a marble.
I wear tubes like earrings.
I lie as still as a bar of iron.
You can stick a needle
through my kneecap and I won't flinch.
I'm all shot up with Novocain.
This trance girl
is yours to do with.
You could lay her in a grave,
an awful package,
and shovel dirt on her face
and she'd never call back: Hello there!
But if you kissed her on the mouth
her eyes would spring open
and she'd call out: Daddy! Daddy!
Presto!
She's out of prison.

There was a theft.
That much I am told.
I was abandoned.
That much I know.
I was forced backward.
I was forced forward.
I was passed hand to hand
like a bowl of fruit.
Each night I am nailed into place
and forget who I am.
Daddy?
That's another kind of prison.
It's not the prince at all,
but my father
drunkeningly bends over my bed,
circling the abyss like a shark,
my father thick upon me
like some sleeping jellyfish.
What voyage is this, little girl?
This coming out of prison?
God help --
this life after death?

~I seem to enjoy the  subject of deconstructing fairy tales...maybe because the idea of princes and ever-afters has been one that my friends and I have torn down and built up many, many times.   Having chanced upon "Memnoch the Devil" in the gym last week after hmm more than a year. He and I started picking each other's lives apart--and as always he made perfect sense.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for relationships, he told me, adding that he realized why some people ended up as spinsters and bachelors: it wasn't by choice or some cruel twist of fate...it was just meant to be that way--being in a relationship doesn't work for them. They can't handle it...they weren't wired to spend the rest of their lives with someone else.

As for me, my only words of wisdom are: there are no ever-afters. And he or she who jumps in a relationship pool with eyes closed and fingers crossed at the back (wish me luck!) only ends up yelping. It's October, and the water is friggin cold in the south.

Differential Diagnosis: passive-agressive

MAYBE IT'S YOU
Posted in Angel 24/7

By Scott Adams

Conserving Energy
Posted in Angel 24/7

Monday's blog entry...

Always my salvation was laughter–laughing with friends, with girlfriends, laughing in the dark…it turned out that when hardships came, the sense of humor of my friends, and of my own, saved the day. ~Anne Lamott

 It seems like everyone wants a piece of me. My work. My family. My friends. My Church group. Everything has to have my full focus and attention. And while I could kid about having enough of me to pass around, we all know that's a lie. No matter how much we try to stretch or spread my presence, I could only go so far. I could only do this much and endure a set limit before I do a Kit-Kat (*snap*) I have felt so stressed out and harrassed the last couple of weeks that I knew I was running on pure adrenaline. My neurons were fired up and churning billions of impulses, ideas and emotions by the nano-second even I found it hard to keep up.  I've been unreasonable, demanding and emotional--very unlike me picking fights with my brother, or sending super emote text messages to Tito Andoy and Gabriel ...and unduly harrassing Arlohn, Ruel, Beng, Carlo, Johanna and Divine. Yup, that's the damage cost of being high-strung and OC.  It serves its purpose tho, being OC assures my boss that I get the job done right and on time. But of course, the next bend leads to a slump and emotional dump. Ah yeah.  Felt burn out today. Compounded and aggravated by lack of sleep. I figure I need a break. A much deserved real break which would include a couple of decent nights' sleep, and not thinking of writing sales copy or monitoring jackpot results that come from at least 8 different time zones. I would want to be able to enjoy my morning coffee before it gets cold because I forget I'm drinking coffee once I start reading emails at 9 am.  And it would probably feel so good to go to jam class with energy to spare and not force myself to exercise because I am sooo risking a stroke with the amount of stress I give myself. OC Girl needs to go on a vacation...and soon! Don't get me wrong. Being OC pulled me out of a bind and allowed me to reinvent myself in the workplace. It motivated and pushed me to work outside my comfort zone and be the person Consuelo has always told me I could become.  But it's time to slow down...lower the intensity of activities and live at a much more stable, comfortable pace. Dependable, predictable and still top caliber---OC only when needed. I spent Monday conserving energy and recharging my drained batteries. Watched the 3rd episode of Grey's Anatomy. Looking forward to the first three episodes of Smallville Season 6 and CSI Las Vegas Season 7.  I want to watch The Devil Wears Prada and The Departed this week.  And go to mass everyday again, and hit the gym. I run a full schedule even when I'm relaxing, haha. But I thrive on that.  I love an accomplished to-do list at the end of the day, and I love talking to the people who matter in my life...no matter how small or mundane the stories may be.   At the end of every long day it's the reassurance that they're there, a phone call, SMS, an email or a train and bus ride away that makes all the pressure and stress worth it. Yup. That's what I believe in. Success and achievements, or thousands of bucks made rendering overtime are useless if I don't have my loved-one's to share it with.   Four hours of crazy stories over refills of coffee and non-stop laugh trips with Daddy and Balki at our house in the prairie...coffee with friends, SMS marathons with PP friends until I fall asleep; Thursday prayer meetings and bonding time with my SLG family; girl talk via email with Princess Bride Anna Karenin and Ate Me-Ann. These and God's continuing grace are what gets me through life---step by step; obstacle by obstacle. One day at a time. Ahhh. Amidst all the sham and drudgery...it still is a beautiful world! (^-^)

Oh well...so much for this one
Posted in Love and other Disasters

My Happy Ending

Avril Lavigne

So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

[Chorus x2]

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

---

No use crying over spilled milk, but I can't help it I really am bleeder when it comes to these things. And I am not going to pretend I'm okay because I really am not. I was never good at hiding my pain. But I've got no other choice but grin and bear it. Charge to experience. Validation of my belief that there are no ever-afters and no happy endings. So I guess it's open season for toads again..*sobs*believe me, i gave it everything i had.

Angel's LSS: You Ought to Know by Alanis
Silverscreen Pick: CSI Las Vegas Season 7--bring on the bloody carnage!
Differential Diagnosis: cynical

The Angel Wears Calvin Klein...
Posted in Angel 24/7

Slave to fashion

BY ROGER EBERT / Jun 30, 2006

When I was young there was a series of books about boys and girls dreaming of the careers they'd have as grown-ups. I can't remember what the titles were, but let's say one was Don Brown, Boy Announcer. Don dreams of being a radio announcer, and one day, when an announcer falls ill at the scene of a big story, he grabs the mike and gets his chance. The engineer nodded urgently to me and I began to describe the fire, remembering to speak clearly. I was nervous at first, but soon the words flowed smoothly.

There were books about future coaches, nurses, doctors, pilots, senators, inventors, and so on. I also read the "Childhood of Famous Americans" series, but the "boy announcer" books were far superior, because they were about the childhood of me. I took a deep breath and began. This was the chance I had been waiting for!

"The Devil Wears Prada" is being positioned as a movie for grown-ups and others who know what, or who, or when, or where, Prada is. But while watching it I had the uncanny notion that, at last, one of those books from my childhood had been filmed. Call it Andy Sachs, Girl Editor. Anne Hathaway stars, as a fresh-faced Midwesterner who comes to New York seeking her first job. "I just graduated from Northwestern," she explains. "I was editor of the Daily Northwestern!" Yes! It had been a thrill to edit the student newspaper, but now, as I walked down Madison Avenue, I realized I was headed for the big time!

Andy stills dresses like an undergraduate, which offends Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep), the powerful editor of Runway, the famous fashion magazine. Miranda, who is a cross between Anna Wintour, Graydon Carter and a dominatrix, stands astride the world of fashion in very expensive boots. She throws things (her coat, her purse) at her assistants, rattles off tasks to be done immediately, and demands "the new Harry Potter" in "three hours." No, not the new book in the stores. The unpublished manuscript of the next book. Her twins want to read it. So get two copies.

Young Andy Sachs gets a job as the assistant to Miranda's assistant. That's Emily (Emily Blunt), who is terrified of Miranda. She is blunt to Andy, and tells her: She'll need to get rid of that wardrobe, devote 24 hours a day to the job, and hope to God she remembers all of Miranda's commands. I was impressed when I first saw the famous Miranda Priestly. She had the poise of Meryl Streep, the authority of Condoleezza Rice, and was better-dressed than anyone I'd ever met, except the Northwestern Dean of Women. And now she was calling my name! Gulp!

Young Andy has a live-in boyfriend, which wasn't allowed in those old books. He is Nate (Adrian Grenier), who has a permanent three-day beard and loves her but wonders what has happened to "the old Andy I used to know." I was heartbroken when I had to work late on Nate's birthday, but Miranda swamped me with last-minute demands. Emily, the first assistant, lives for the day when she will travel to Paris with Miranda for Spring Fashion Week. But then Emily gets a cold, or, as Miranda puts it, becomes "an incubus of viral plague." By this time Young Andy has impressed Miranda by getting the Harry Potter manuscript, and she's dressing better, too. Nigel took me into the storage rooms, where I found myself surrounded by the latest and most luxurious fashion samples! So Andy replaces Emily on the Paris trip.

"You are the one who has to tell Emily," Miranda kindly explains. Ohmigod! I was dreaming! Paris, France! And as Miranda Priestly's assistant! But how would I break the news to Emily, who had dreamed of this day? And how could I tell Nate, whose own plans would have to be changed? Actually, by this time Young Andy has a lot of things to discuss with Nate, including her friendship with Christian (Simon Baker), a famous writer for New York magazine. Ohmigod! Christian said he would read my clippings!

"The Devil Wears Prada" is based on the best-selling novel by Lauren Weisberger, which oddly enough captures the exact tone, language and sophistication of the books of my childhood: There was nowhere to wipe my sweaty palms except for the suede Gucci pants that hugged my thighs and hips so tightly they'd both begun to tingle within minutes of my securing the final button. This novel was on the New York Times best-seller list for six months, and has been published in 27 countries. I hope some of the translators left the word "both" out of that sentence.

Meryl Streep is indeed poised and imperious as Miranda, and Anne Hathaway is a great beauty ("Ella Enchanted," "Brokeback Mountain" who makes a convincing career girl. I liked Stanley Tucci, too, as Nigel, the magazine's fashion director, who is kind and observant despite being a careerist slave. But I thought the movie should have reversed the roles played by Grenier and Baker. Grenier comes across not like the old boyfriend but like the slick New York writer, and Baker seems the embodiment of Midwestern sincerity, which makes sense, because he is from Australia, the Midwest of the southern hemisphere.

Cast & Credits

Miranda Priestly: Meryl Streep
Andy Sachs: Anne Hathaway
Emily: Emily Blunt
Nigel: Stanley Tucci
Nate: Adrian Grenier
Lilly: Tracie Thoms
Christian: Simon Baker

Better Her Than Me...Right?
Posted in Angel 24/7

Mark: How's my favorite dirty mistress?
Meredith: Haven't you heard? Now I'm an adulterous whore.

---

~~I've finished watching "What I Am", fourth episode in Season 3 and I would have to say I'm impressed with how Grey's Anatomy is progressing. I've become a fan of the series' catchy opening and closing lines last season...but this time I'm here to be entertained. Meredith is comic relief from the Izzy and Christina's dramatic lovelives as well as Alex and George's "stupeed" moments.

Another favorite, CSI Las Vegas also looks more and more exciting with Greg on the field. Spoiler: he gets injured in the 4th episode, I saw the trailer in an online fan site but can't get hold of a copy. Same with House...no luck on downloads.  So if there's anyone there who has episodes 4 and 5 of CSI and Season 3 of HOUSE, please be so kind and send me the file, please!!!!!

And yes! I saw the first three episodes of Smallville. *kilig* It's gearing towards Superman...they already showed the famous "S" logo in the pilot episode. Hopefully I get to view the dvd's i bought this week.

One more week and Consuelo will be back... haha! There will once again be no rest for us webbies.

Meantime, thanks to all of those who sent emails and text messages. (^-^) I appreciate the concern...but I'm okay, really. Just a little shaken, but okay. This week's chain of events allowed me to think and meditate on a lot of things--I had to sail west to find the east, so to speak.

I will explain at length in my next entry...

Angel's LSS: Alanis...feel ko lang ang angst!
24/7 Reading List: Email Blast kit for edp
Silverscreen Pick: anything and everything...

Three Simple Sleep Enhancers
Posted in Angel 24/7

from MSN.com

1. Shake it all out. Before bedtime, lock your door, take off your shoes, and dance like a madwoman for 60 seconds. Letting go physically, even for a minute, releases tension and relaxes your mind.

2. Drink something warm. Drink a half cup of warm milk with a pinch of nutmeg, or a cup of calming herbal or mint tea. The warmth temporarily increases your body temperature, and the subsequent drop often brings on sleepiness. Sip with your full awareness, then brush your teeth and head straight to bed.

3. Give yourself a massage. Briefly massaging your head and feet can prepare you for a restful sleep — plus it feels great! Warm a couple of tablespoons of massage oil and rub it into your scalp as if shampooing your hair. Next, apply it to your forehead and around your eyes, cheeks, and chin. Then massage the oil into your heels, arches, and each toe. In the meantime, fill a bathtub with hot water and add a few drops of lavender aroma oil. After your massage, soak in the tub for 10 minutes and then hit the sack.

Anatomy of a Cheater
Posted in Love and other Disasters

According to this little article I found during today's shift, all I knew about affairs were wrong. Haha! Isn't that like rubbing salt on my still-stalker-encounter-smarting-open wound? haha!  Anyway, I thought I'd share some bits and pieces I found insightful. Not that I am considering to have one...oh no!  Just taking stock of these these things and  committing them to memory. For future reference? haha!

Myth 1 : There's a "cheater" profile.

The reality: With the right trigger circumstances, anyone is susceptible to cheating.

While some people are chronic philanderers, it's more common to unintentionally wind up in an affair. "People who have accidental affairs have no thoughts of being unfaithful," says Snyder. "It's not even consistent with their values system, but the opportunity presents itself." Maybe a coworker hits on you during a business trip when you've had too much wine, or your cute handyman compliments you when you're getting over a fight with your husband.

"Here's the best way to prevent affairs: Rather than saying, 'We will never have one,' instead think of the kind of person, situation and mood that would make you vulnerable," says Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., a marital therapist and author of Getting It Right This Time: How to Create a Loving and Lasting Marriage. Maybe you're so nurturing that you'd be vulnerable helping a neighbor whose wife just died, while your fun-loving sister would be susceptible during a trip to Las Vegas. It may feel contrived or scary, but having this tough conversation with your husband can help you both recognize chancy situations and be on guard.

You can also stay in safe territory with friends of the opposite sex by not confiding personal things, like airing complaints about your spouse, and not keeping anything about those friendships secret. "You know you've crossed a line if you don't want your spouse to know about whatever you're talking about with this person," says Tina Pittman Wagers, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and instructor at the University of Colorado at Boulder. "If it starts feeling like that, then you need to pull back and reestablish closeness with your spouse."

You assume you're trustworthy and your spouse is, too. The possibility that he could stray isn't even on your mind, so you don't get suspicious if he says he has to work late or go on a golf trip with his buddies. Usually it's not until the affair is out in the open that the betrayed spouse can go back and give new meaning to history.

It's also common after an affair is exposed for the betrayed spouse to feel like he or she is facing a new truth: You never can be sure whether your partner will cheat. In reality, it's a truth that was there all along.

1. Be each other's number one confidant. You shouldn't be sharing private thoughts with others that you're not sharing with your spouse.

2. Make time to connect on a regular basis. Daily moments of connection help you build a sense of togetherness and shared purpose.

3. Don't let family time squeeze out just-the-two-of-you time. Marriages that are too child-centered are at high risk for an affair.

4. Recognize when you're temporarily attracted to someone else. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with your relationship — or that you have to act on it.

5. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your marriage. If you're ever tempted and don't feel like you can tell your spouse, you'll have someone else to confide in who will steer you straight. And if one of you does stray, you'll have a strong support network to help you put your marriage back together.
 

~~I've posted the full article, as well as a couple of related write-ups in my yahoo360 blog. Feel free to click on the link if you want to read or print it.  Seriously, I've been here....and it's no easy feat recovering and learning to trust again---if one really learns to do that all over again.

Let's keep praying and hoping that I don't fall into the same dirt trap as before. Or become a dreaded cheater myself...heaven forbid!

Angel's LSS: Paalam Na
24/7 Reading List: Act of God--really nice!
Silverscreen Pick: The Devil Wears Prada
Differential Diagnosis: working

STALKED
Posted in Love and other Disasters

Okay...I never thought I'd ever say this out loud but I'm being stalked. Freaky, scary psycho-like stalking. I've shared the story with some of my friends, and I have been repeateadly turning the person down. But he just can't seem to understand that NO means FREAKING-HELL-GET-AWAY-FROM-ME NO!!!

And ladies and gentlemen, he is coming to confront me in BF tonight. I have no intentions of seeing him, and I have informed my friends and co writers in PP that in case something should happen to me, this person would be responsible for it. He was stupid enough to give me a business card, so yes, his residence and whereabouts can be traced.

Please pray for me. Seriously. I am in trouble.

PSYCHO
Posted in Love and other Disasters

Part I. Don’t Talk to Strangers
(October 19 entry)

There's a reason why our parents tell us not to talk to strangers. It's for our own good. It's a safety net that protects the naive from many, many dangers lurking about, especially lecherous old wolves in sheep's clothing. I learned my lesson last night, and if I ever am blessed with a daughter (who will undoubtedly inherit my lighthouse-caliber headlights), I will teach her early on never to talk to strangers.

I wasn't able to sleep...was trying to figure out why and how the roadkills are somehow increasing and becoming more frequent and more intense. The latest one bordered on stalking, and scared me so much that I am definitely not getting a ride home with a guy I've just met in person ever again!

Imagine being parked in front your house and not being able to get out of the car because he wouldn’t let you. The new toad wanted to brand me and make me a kept woman. Undoubtedly a very comfortable and well-provided mistress, but a mistress nonetheless. He would come home to me once a week, he said. But drop your boyfriend, I intend to keep you...and he had this violent/ill-tempered aura about him that was just plain creepy and scary!

Keep me? Like I was some kind of zoo animal or prized pet. My sweet Lord! How does one escape? He very clearly told me he had a 9mm tucked somewhere. No. It wasn't a hostage scene. But a nerve-wracking mind game I had to play with someone who clearly knew what he was doing.

He drove all the way from Libis (actually from Nueva Ecija) to come see me. And, stupid-naive –trusting-because- he’s-from- **-it must-be-okay-to-talk-to-him-girl that I am, I consented to meeting up with him after work and opted for coffee in Starbucks, BF... a well-lighted, very public place. But I guess the most fatal mistake was assuming I could talk him out of his “I like you, Stephie” mindset…but all throughout the conversation, I could tell that the guy wasn't going to take my "let's be friends" speech very kindly. I would not dwell on what we talked about or discussed...suffice it to say having relationships on the side wasn't new to him. And it was something that his wife of twenty-two years and daughter accepted, provided he doesn't bear an illegitimate child.

He had the money and he didn’t look half-bad and according to him, what the brat wanted, the brat got.
 

Part II. The Caged Bird Sings
(October 24 entry)

I’m under virtual house arrest. I can’t even walk the two blocks from my apartment to the internet shop and go online. It’s a holiday and I’m stuck at home watching DVD’s and alternately crying and feeling like wussy for allowing such a revolting and vile creature to get the better of me.  I let my stalker intimidate me.

I use the term loosely, he isn’t exactly stalking-trailing me, but more of emotionally and psychologically harassing me until I cave and give in. In my book, that’s stalking—as in stalking prey, hunting them down and cornering the poor wounded animal before you dig in with your claws and devour.  That’s how I felt—caged and backed up against the wall, and how I hated it! Ooh, how I hated myself for that.

The encounter with the stalker-toad worsened after he left. I felt violated for some reason and wanted nothing more to do with him, but I thought (again, a fatal mistake) that playing mind games would somehow trick him into going away. But it got to a point that I had to be mean and rude and no longer mince words in saying I do not like you, go away! And he instead got more pathetic and melodramatic and downright creepy and obsessed.

Monday afternoon he was texting me that he would be driving to Manila. By this time I was flat out rude to him, asking him to leave me alone and that I never want to hear from him ever again. He wanted to have coffee and went through the whole I’ll-leave-you-alone-just-meet-up-with-me, I’ll never bother you again and I’ll unsubscribe  crap…of course, we all know it’s not going to happen. And pushy aggressive person that he is, I am not about to come near him ever again!

He said he would be in my area between 9 and 9.30 pm and that was whether I consented to seeing him or not. It was here that I felt trapped and heeded my friends’ advice to tell the group about him and my predicament. I also had to tell my father that this guy was scaring the begeezus out of me with his text messages.

One such message had him saying I was slowly replacing the face of an ex girlfriend in his heart. And that image held a place beside his wife’s. Talk about having adultery in one’s heart, ladies and gentlemen! This was the man who had no qualms about revealing his extra-marital affairs; who didn’t even blink when he offered to come to me once a week and keep me and take care of me; and sounded even proud that his only daughter knows that he has been fooling around all this time. Believe me, a man whose values and morals are more twisted than a candy cane is certainly capable of stalking—and he claims he is too proud to ever stoop that low.

Oh yeah, he says no woman has ever turned him down before. I wonder if it’s because he buys them or scares them into submission?  Because for someone who claims to be intelligent, he sure is an imbecile for not understanding that NO means NO.  I mean seriously, what part of NO don’t you understand?!!!

I’m not a hateful vengeful person, but I do pray that some way, some day, you get what’s due you. And this is me being forgiving. 

Part III. Oh the Guilt, the Guilt!
Posted in Love and other Disasters

Anger is considered one of the seven deadly sins for a reason. I never realized it can actually possess and consume you...until today, when all I can think of is doing a Silence of the Lambs on stalker-toad or any of the thousand other forms of torture—castration being a top choice—known to man.

The man had the guts to send me an email and declare that he did not deserve to be treated this way. Because after all, he said, he may have been bad, but he was still a gentleman. His email made it sound like I agreed and consented to being with him, that I was game all along--therefore he was not at fault. He was just naughty and fast, he claims, but he was neither threatening me nor harassing me.

!@##)E$#)$#($)#$E$#@!!!!! Like hell, he wasn’t!
 

Normally, I would let myself believe this crap. Sink into my pity pot and cry and think of myself as that horrid despicable tease who deserved such punishment.  But I’ve had enough of it. I know I’m not and I am confident that I never once led him on. So no one gets to pin the blame on me for being harassed. Like hello, this is the same double standard that tells a woman that she got raped because she wears low-waist jeans or tight blouses! Please, why do some people think that way?!
 

 I actually had an argument with G (who until now has not forgiven me for talking to strangers—hear, that is the only liability I own up to—nothing more) and my friend MK who kidded me that stalker-toad was probably a guy I had a drinking bout with. Okay, so what was that all about?  The two of them probably belong to the same archaic period of thought that confined women in boxes…and want them wearing a terno!

I was being harassed for crying out loud! The last thing I need are two men very close to me even slightly hinting that this was my fault. I love the two of you—but with all due respect and courtesy—up yours!  No woman in her right mind would want to be harassed by anyone nor would we intentionally plant ourselves in harm’s way.

It is not my fault that this married man and father of three does not have the decency to respect me refusing to be his mistress. I should not be made answerable to the fact that even after I tell him I am not interested and that I already am in relationship with someone else, he proceeds to pledging to worship the very ground I walk upon. I should not be made guilty for offering friendship in a diplomatic and civil manner because all I wanted was to keep the peace…Clear? because whoever tells me otherwise will get a piece of my mind…

MK has said sorry, but the stubborn one has not…and I doubt he ever would. Oh well, that’s something I guess I must learn to live with…being a constant disappointment to him, I mean. But I digress.

I had to unsubscribe—something I vowed never to do, but this I assume my dear Ani, exempts me from our pact---I had to restrict my friendster account to “Friends-Only” and delete the creature from my friend’s list. I am revolted by the mere sight of his name in the e group that I cleared the contents of my mailbox. How I despise him!

But okay, if I were to pick one good thing that came out of this mess, it would be me no longer taking this sitting down.  I’ve spent a good number of years of my life always blaming myself for things I had no control of and feeling really guilty about it. I’m tired of punishing myself for crimes I did not commit. I’ve always been the kind and forgiving one, but you know what, there is a difference between being a good Christian and being a foot rug.

I refuse to let anyone step on my self-respect again. And this experience has taught me that being kind and accommodating isn’t the best way to go. I’m building walls. Putting up barriers. Building myself a fortress…and only those who earn my trust will get to cross the drawbridge.

Darwin was right after all. Ultimately, only the fittest survive.

Something to think about...
Posted in Angel 24/7

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you.

Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.


The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love.

They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

Love always has been and always will be a mystery.Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life

 

The Banquet (Ye-Yan)
Posted in Angel 24/7

Cast:   Ziyi Zhang, Ge You, Daniel Wu, Zhou Xun

Director:   Feng Xiaogeng

Website:   http://www.thebanquetthemovie.com

Synopsis:  

The Banquet has been described as a loose adaptation of "Hamlet"; it is a tale of fate and revenge set in 10th century China. A new Emperor has usurped the throne through murder. Zhang Ziyi plays the widowed Empress, who marries the new Emperor (Ge You) only to protect herself, but also secretly plots his death with the help of the Crown Prince (Daniel Wu) and the Chief Minister (Ma Jingwu). Yet the Prince and Minister each have their own plans for the throne, and, of course, so does the Emperor. All these intrigues are brought to a climax when the Emperor calls for a lavish banquet, where the murderous plans are set in motion. According to director Feng Xiaogang: "If Hamlet is about a prince who must make a choice involving life and death, then The Banquet is about how each character must face a choice of life or death... All are motivated by desire, but as soon as they have begun their plans must grow more extreme, and they move step-by-step towards the abyss... They do not intend evil, but turn to it out of self-preservation and ever-growing ambition."

 Set in ancient China during the Period of Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms (907-960 AD), when dynasties succeed each other rapidly in the north and a dozen of independent states vie with one another in the south. Meanwhile, the neighboring Khitan Empire is on the prowl in Manchuria, ready to conquer China when the moment arises.

Against this background of internal turmoil and external threat lives a legendary queen. As beautiful as she is young, and as limber as she is smart, Empress Wan (Ziyi Zhang) can launch a thousand ships with her charm and fight a hundred soldiers with her sword. But something is lacking in her life. Unfulfilled in her royal boudoir, she harbors forbidden desires for her stepson Prince Wu Luan (Daniel Wu), an introverted and melancholic young man four months her senior, who shies away from the palace to indulge in the ancient art of music and dance.

When the Emperor dies all of a sudden and his virile younger brother Li (Ge You) takes over the throne, Wan shocks everyone by agreeing to marry Li, convinced that this is the only way to protect Wu Luan while sealing her own position in the court. But Li is no fool, however infatuated he might be with his sister-in-law, he only pretends to buy into her scheme to consummate his lust. Oblivious to Wan, he has dispatched his guards to kill his nephew.

Already devastated by his father’s death and stunned by his stepmother’s impending wedding with his uncle, Wu Luan is pushed to the end of his tether when he realizes his own life is being threatened. After warding off the assassination attempt in a ferocious fight scene, he determines to return to the palace and revenge himself by killing his uncle, whom he believes has murdered his father.

No sooner has Wu Luan returned to the palace than he finds himself inextricably trapped in a double love triangle: on the one hand, there is Wan, on the other, Qing Nu (Zhou Xun), the daughter of the conniving Grand Marshall. As pure as snow, Qing Nu is head over heels in love with Wu Luan, and she is ready to sacrifice her life for him.

 Saw this movie with kapatid Jeff last Sunday...and I have nothing but rave reviews!

 Well, apart from the fact that I'm a Zhang Ziyi fan and 'm a sucker for love stories, happy endings not a requirement. I just found myself able to relate to the characters in the story.  When you do get to watch it, tell me if you share the same opinion as I do: that underneath Empress Wan's dragon-lady facade is the young girl who was cheated of her ever after.

Two thumbs up for musical scoring too. I've yet to find a copy of the theme ...but even with the subtitles...i swear, it was a Kleenex ad unto itself.

*sigh*
Posted in Angel 24/7

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.-Harriet Beecher Stowe

*winks*
Posted in Angel 24/7