"Best Thing You Never Had"
Posted in Love and other Disasters, My OST

Butch Walker

Hello how you doing?
What's it like to ruin all my self esteem
Let me blow off some steam
For 5 years I've waited,
So why am I jaded to get back at you
What makes it cool

When you act like nothing ever happened
I feel like I should feel bad
But I can't like someone who thought
They're the only one that mattered
I hope that you're flattered
Cause you broke this down
The best thing that you never had

And it seems like a loss somehow
My heart got lost on the way to my head
And my brain cells are dead
And the craziness shows
Now I start to go when the green turns to red
And I should be dead

When you act like nothing ever happened
I feel like I should feel bad
But I can't like someone who thought
They're the only one that mattered
While my heart got shattered like romantic roadkill
My heart is all splattered your ego got fatter
And I hope that you're flattered
Cause you broke this down
The best thing that you never had

Like the toilet seat never got lifted
And I pissed on your confidence
When you weren't around, how can that be?
Don't turn this around
You were the one
Who drove my ass right to the ground

When you act like nothing ever happened
I feel like I should feel bad, and I can't like

Someone who thought
They're the only one that mattered
While my heart got shattered like romantic roadkill
My heart is all splattered your ego got fatter
And I hope that you're flattered
Cause you broke this down
You broke this down
The best thing, the best thing,
The best thing that you never had

You never had...

Is it her or me?
Posted in Love and other Disasters

Meredith Grey: Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

For no reason I started looking  for this quote online. Though I may have used it in one one my old blog entries (which actually feels like several past lives ago), i've never really put much thought into it until today.

How much are you willing to sacrifice and forego; up to what point will you strip yourself of your pride; how many times will you forgive and until when do you keep on loving someone who cannot make up his mind if its you or the other girl?

I also don't know the answer...except that if the person was worth fighting for, I'd probably also say: pick me, choose me, love me.

Kainis ang influence ng Grey's Anatomy, i swear!

When Life Is No Joke, Laugh Anyway
Posted in Angel 24/7

Laughter liberates and laughter uplifts. When laughter comes into a life, nothing is too difficult, nothing can defeat us. We can survive the noonday sun and the darkness of death and the grinding boredom of dailiness and still find life exhilarating. Other things in life change color like chameleons on plaid, but laughter is always ornament, always grace.

There are some things that must always be laughed at in life:

1. Laugh when people tell a joke. Otherwise you might make them feel bad.

2. Laugh when you look into a mirror. Otherwise you might feel bad.

3. Laugh when you make a mistake. If you don't, you're liable to forget how ultimately unimportant the whole thing really is, whatever it is.

4. Laugh with small children. It will restore your delight in the fundamental things of life. It will also improve your sense of humor. Have you ever noticed what children laugh at? They laugh at mashed bananas on their faces; mud in their hair; a dog nuzzling their ears; the sight of their bottoms as bare as silk. It renews your perspective. Clearly, nothing is as bad as it could be.

5. Laugh at situations that are out of your control. When the best man comes to the altar without the wedding ring, laugh. When the dog jumps through the window screen at the dinner guests on your doorstep, sit down and laugh awhile. When you find yourself in public wearing mismatched shoes, laugh--as loudly as you can. Why collapse in mortal agony? There’s nothing you can do to change things now. Besides, it is funny. Ask me; I’ve done it.

6. Laugh at anything pompous, at anything that needs to puff its way through life in robes and titles. Because laughter is a social virtue, it will help the rest of us see the difference between what is authentic in life and what is not. Will Rogers laughed at all the public institutions of modern life. For instance, “You can’t say civilization isn’t advancing,” he wrote. “In every war they kill you in a new way.” And thanks to his laughter we began to see what was going on around us in fresh and shocking perspective.

7. Finally, laugh when all your carefully laid plans get changed: when the plane is late and the restaurant is closed and the last day’s screening of the movie of the year was yesterday. You’re free now to do something else, to be spontaneous for a change, to take a piece of life and treat it with outrageous abandon.

There are some things, of course, that do not qualify for laughter, that do not refresh the human heart, that set out to hurt whole classes of people, in fact, and that should never, under any conditions, be tolerated under the pretense of humor. Ethnic jokes and sexist sneers and racial slurs and jeering at physical limitations do not empty the human soul of debris. They simply fill it with a venom disguised as humor.

The sign of laughter gone sour lies clearly in the charge, ‘What’s the matter with her? Can’t she take a joke?” Then the laughter goes hollow or guttural, weak or low. Though nothing at all may be said, everyone knows on the spot that kindness and clear vision have flown the place forever.

In the final analysis, we should laugh at anything that is not a matter of life and death. The trick is to remember that only life and death are life and death. Then the canvas is broad and the palette is deep. The whole world becomes a jester’s paradise in which we laugh at what we did not foresee.

Laughter is an antidote to dualism, a necessary foundation of mental health. To the one who laughs, life is good, the world is good, goodness is the ground on which we walk. No dualism here, no fear of body or soul, no rejection of the tattered truth of our existence. Just gentle, gentle wholeness tenderly handled, lovingly held.

Finally, laughter enables us to live in a highly structured world without falling prey to the manacles of the mind that blind our eyes and cement our hearts. Laughter gives us the freedom of the Jesus who taught babies and poked fun at Pharisees and told winsome little stories, spiritual jokes, about women who would not let pretentious judges alone. Day after day he smiled his way from one theological absolute to another and left the world with enough to smile about until the end of time.

Once we learn to laugh and play, we will have come closer to understanding our laughing, playing God. The God of ridiculous promises is a God who laughs, a God to be laughed at and laughed with, until that moment when all pain washes away and only the laughter of God is left to be heard in the heavens.

Previously on Grey's Anatomy...
Posted in Love and other Disasters

There's this one scene in the Grey's Anatomy Season ender that plays and replays in my head. 

It's that of Christina Yang standing in the middle of an empty apartment, in her wedding gown, heirloom Burke choker and shaved eyebrows.  The realization that the man she was supposed to marry had just left their home, and probably her life, hit her with such intensity that she could barely breathe.

And in heartbreaking agony, she cries out to Meredith, or the room, or herself, or probably to nobody in particular..."im free, im free, im free"... and Mer slices the constricting wedding gown open, unfastens the clasp of the family heirloom she'll no longer be part of, and lets Christina break down in tears.

...im free, im free, im free... the words resonate heavily with relief, but the undertones of grief and anguish are all too clear.

There are things about yourself that you cannot afford to compromise no matter how blindly in love you may be-- beliefs that can't be settled, and needs that cannot be met halfway. 

It's only after so much pain that you realize there's a fine difference between damaged and broken, and when you do there's nothing you'd want more than have the constricting ties that bind you cut loose.

I'm free...and now all I should do is keep breathing.

Release Me
Posted in Love and other Disasters, My OST

Wilson Phillips

I know that it's time for a change
Mmm but when that change comes
Will you still feel the same?

How many times have I tried to turn this love around?
I don't want to give up
But baby it's time I had two feet on the ground
Can you release me
Can you release me
Now that you're gone I can't help myself from wondering
Oh, if you'd have come down from your high
Would we've been all right?
Release me
Can you release me

[Chorus:]
Come on baby, come on baby
You knew it was time to just let go
'Cause we want to be free
But somehow it's just not that easy
Come on Darlin', hear me Darlin'
'Cause you're a waste of time for me
I'm trying to make you see
That baby you've just got to release me
Release me
Release me

I'm not going back to you anymore
Finally my weakened heart is healing though very slow
So stop coming around my door
'Cause you're not gonna find
What you're looking for

[Chorus]

What is this power you've got on me
What is this power, Oh
What is it,What is it

[Chorus]

Release me
Will you release me
Ah...Release me
Will you release me

An Unobstructed View
Posted in Angel 24/7

 

A couple of Saturday's ago, just as summer was giving way to the rains, we hied off to Globe Health's Corporate House in Binanongan, Rizal  for some last minute planning.

Abandoning my teaching duties at the Central, Fred (the smiling dude in the pic), Sarah, my brother Robert (erstwhile Globe Health lab technician) and I braved Metro Manila traffic to meet up with Lee Ann, Berna (that's her, happily wading beside me) and the Globe Health bosses. 

It was one of the few occasions that most of the top brass are here in the country--and there was barely enough time to set all of their grand plans in order. We youngins' received  instructions and guidelines from the lolo's... but were given generous praise as well for our efforts.

Kudos to Lee Ann and Berns, I admit not being around as often as I should be. But that's going to change in a few months, diba mga sis?

Corporate matters aside, the trip turned into an outing of sorts.  We bought chicken and fish from the market and had it cooked in a charcoal pit. 

 We then trekked about 40 feet up for an unobstructed view of Laguna de bay. I personally spacing out while perched on that rock.  For the first time in months, I felt I like I was able to breathe freely and think clearly.

Sarah (there she is, in white!) and I agreed that the future indeed looked bright inspite our current circumstances.  There were so many wonderful things waiting to happen.  I couldn't help but smile and tell myself that this was the kind of life I wanted, and I'm glad I made the choices I did.

After that short bout with introspection, and dozens of snapshots (ate Berns, asan na yung pics?!!) taken in various spots and moods, I dashed off to dip my toes in the water.

Lee Ann and I are known water babies. As far as I can recall, the long trips we've taken always involved bodies of water or pelting rain. Anyways, I went to work that day in a mini skirt and was too lazy to pack a swimsuit.  My brother was with me in any case, and I had in his bag more than two sets of clothes.

To cut the story short, we all ended up swimming eventhough we hadn't originally planned to. My brother and Fred were goofing off like twins and Berna and I had a bit of time to bond.

It also felt great to spend time with Lee Ann again...we were giggling like kids and singing in the van on the drive back to Manila. She and I have been acting too grown up these past months, with all the work and responsibility compounded by pressure mounting from all over.

The day ended with Robert and I crash landing into bed after the cab ride home. I thoroughly enjoyed the trip--both for the much needed relaxation it lent and the useful insights I gained. 

There were also some things I cast off on the bumpy ascent to the corporate house--negative thoughts, destructive emotions, and a trunkful of memories I'd rather not carry back with me.

I left all of those in Binangonan and went down with a clearer perspective of things. Here's looking forward to better days ahead.  Amen.

Quote for the Week
Posted in Angel 24/7



I gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face...I say to myself, I've lived through this and can take the next thing that comes along.

Unbound, unattached and unbridled...
Posted in Angel 24/7

I fought a nasty bout with the flu in the midst of my balancing act last week.

My regular workload in the office was compounded by several technical problems--we all had to pitch in to maintain some semblance of normalcy in our web marketing functions.

Meantime, I've been teaching at CENTRAL 2 nights a week and full shifts on weekends--pushing me to study and train  on other areas of English proficiency.  The challenge was to break everything down to bite-sized pieces, so the students would be able to "digest" the lectures faster.

I would like to think that I've successfully pulled it off--amid much coughing, sniffles and late-night chills.  And of course, there's the scheduled SLG outreach activities... I did my best not to make any one of these three priorities suffer.

Now, there will be four.  On Tuesday evening I became Globe Health's part time "ghost writer".  Again, I will be working with friends, so the tasks really don't seem like work--and it's a lot of fun too! 

To cut to the chase, today is the first day in weeks that there's no strict deadline (altho i do have essays to correct)  looming above my head. I'm done with the new Italian Lottery materials ... so I hope to get home at a decent hour and catch a good night's sleep.  I have grammar class at 9 pm, pity the students if they get a cranky and sleep-deprived teacher. 

It feels great to be able to browse and surf online.  I didn't realize how much I've missed my blog!  Anyway, I snagged the Beyonce-Shakira video of "Beautiful Liar" because I couldn't help but sway my hips to it ...the radio blog entry on the other hand, is "Nothing Lasts Forever" by Maroon 5.  

Always been a fan, but well, I fell for the lyrics of this one. There were a  couple of lines in the song that really hit home...

Believe it or not, I've been able to squeeze in reflection and contemplation in my schedule. These are moments I savor like a slowly melting piece of chocolate in my mouth... and then let go of. 

I'm breathing easy, smiling, and once again pursuing ideals I'm passionate about.  Life is great--and I'm looking forward to the months ahead!