Entries for November, 2007
November 12th, 2007
November 13th, 2007
Musings... Posted in Angel 24/7 Despite everything I have seen, felt or achieved, nothing has changed; and inspite all that was lost, I'm still happy  Welcoming the holidays with child like faith and hope. Here's to the changing of the guards... | |
November 14th, 2007
Chasing a Rainbow Posted in Angel 24/7 by Terri Cheney The year I got divorced was one of the hardest I’ve ever faced. An accident, just two weeks after my initial separation from my husband, kept me hospitalized for more than two months, and recuperation lasted another two months. Finally on my feet and back at work, I found myself faced with the responsibilities of finding a home, caring for my two children and adjusting to a new job - all while coping with constant pain. “I just have to do this one thing,” I’d tell the children each time they approached me to read to them, help with homework or just talk. Lost in my own maze of coping, I was unable to reach out to them in their pain and suffering. Adding guilt to my other burdens only made the stress increase. Then I became very ill. A combination of a very bad case of flu and infections put me in bed for a week. Each morning the children got up on their own and went to school. They came home and made their own meals. I vaguely recall being awakened and fed canned chicken soup. I drifted in a land between sleep and unconsciousness. When I was able to move from the bed and walk through the house, I discovered it in shambles. Dirty laundry and dishes; messes everywhere I looked. I didn’t think I would ever be able to catch up with the housework again. The checkbook, too, had suffered. I had no paid sick leave, and the burden of managing finances without regular child-support payments forced me to return to work before I had fully recovered.
The children began calling me at work. “I’m sick; I don’t feel good, come and get me; I’ve missed the bus - honest, Mama, I didn’t hear them call my bus number!” All were a bid for the time and attention I didn’t feel I could spare them. And each call meant missed work, missed pay. The day came when they both called within five minutes. Neither child had managed to make their bus home that afternoon. Could I come pick them up? As I hurried from work it began to rain heavily. I was crying as I stopped at each school. This was all too hard, and I didn’t want to do it anymore. There was no end in sight, no hope of a better life. As we turned toward home, the clouds broke and sunshine poured onto the wet streets. A huge rainbow gleamed in the sky above us, colors brilliant and clear. It was the most beautiful rainbow I’d ever seen in my life, and my children were in awe. “Is there really gold at the end of the rainbow?” my youngest asked. I told him honestly I’d never seen the end of a rainbow. “How do they know?” he asked. “I don’t know,” I replied. “Well, it looks like it ends just over that bridge,” he said. “Can’t we go look, Mama?” I thought of the hundred things I needed to do. There was work to finish; there were chores and laundry to be done. I opened my mouth to say no, but when I started to speak, out came a “yes.” The children shrieked with excitement. The end wasn’t just over the bridge, or across the railroad, or in the field beyond that. We drove for more than thirty miles, sometimes seeing the end just ahead of us, the colors shimmering and shining, the light dancing through them. I looked at my children, their eyes shining, and at the rainbow ahead of us and kept on driving. We laughed and talked - really talked - for the first time in months. We talked about my accident, the divorce, their fears, their schools, their dreams. We planned future rides and projects. I felt my shoulders relax and my grip loosening on the steering wheel. My children’s eyes were free of worry. We decided to stop the chase an hour after it began. We turned to head for home. We’d found something wonderful while chasing that rainbow, something even better than that coveted pot of gold. We’d found ourselves a family again; we’d rediscovered the value of our relationship to each other. We’d remembered what it felt like to have fun. And we’d started making plans for a future that felt hopeful and full of promise. Several years have passed, and my two children are grown. But when we are together, there is a bond between us. One of us will smile and ask, “Remember when we chased the rainbow?” We do. It was the day we found hope again. | |
Build the ARK Posted in Angel 24/7 Dear Lord, It's been an unusually happy week for me. Let's just say it's the proverbial rainbow after the downpour. After being tossed and tumbled around, I feel like everything's settling down once again. Peaceful. Calm. Crystal clear. I've been wondering what lesson the last couple of weeks was supposed to teach me, and then I got to see EVAN ALMIGHTY. I know, it's not really a great movie, and I put off watching it until something inside kicked and all but hit the play button for me. Don't laugh. That's really how i operate. Anyway, i got the message boss! I get it. I've been fighting you tooth and nail over it, but in the end it's for my own good right? And just because I go to church all the time and pray to saints and angels doesn't mean you'll give me brownie points and extra credit. I'd still get lemons like everyone else... I have got to learn how to deal. Funny thing is, I have the answer posted on my door. It's been there for at least two years. You don't dole out gifts on silver platters or pull out miracles just so people will believe...it's always opportunities. It's a hands-on practical test with no cheat codes. Oh and yes, I will be very careful about what I pray for from now on. I just might get it. Thank you for this wonderful day...and thank YOU for everything. ~Your dark and twisted angel | |
November 21st, 2007
The Mean Reds... Posted in Love and other Disasters
 I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's for the nth time last Sunday. I've always been fond of it, but what triggered a craving for Holly Golightly twistedness was a scene from one of Gossip Girl's episodes where Blair stands in front of Tiffany's with breakfast in hand.
Of course, Moon River was playing at the background. I think it was the original score sung by Holly herself by the fireplace window. Truth be told, Moon River is one song that always makes me cry - whether i'm happy or sad. It does nothing to affect my mood, it just makes me emotional. Moon River, wider than a mile, Moon River and me. The lyrics also don't make any sense. However, my personal take at it is that it isn't a sad song. I find it hopeful, optimistic even... I'm glad that a lot of people have responded to my "i'm happy" entry. And really, I don't have a new boyfriend! (which is probably why I am happy!) Believe it or not, i'm still amazed that people still care to drop by and read my blog entries. (Jennie, i do owe you an email. I will get to writing once I shake this off!) However, i hate to admit it that there is truth to what Rain has been saying before: that you shouldn't tell the universe that you're happy or in love because it does find ways to throw cold water at you. I had a lovely and relaxing Saturday when I received news that my Mom's not well again. As you all know, I don't live with my parents, and more importantly, I haven't communicated with my mom in years. And whenever I hear from her, or about her, whatever resolve or courage I thought I had crumbles. She's my kryptonite... and no matter what I do I just fall apart. So there. It's another streak of the mean reds. According to Holly Golightly the mean reds are worse than the blues, and from where I am standing, it sure does feel mean and brutally cold. I have to learn to shake this off somehow. | |
